20 things I learned before I turned 20

My 20th birthday is tomorrow! Naturally, I've been reflecting over all I've learned in my entire life. I've learned a heck ton of stuff, but I thought I'd pick 20 of them and write them down on here for your reading pleasure!
In no particular order:

1. Your siblings are your God-given best friends. Treat them as such!

2. Just because the friends that you have make other close friends, it does not mean they no longer want to be friends with you.

3. Mental illness looks different for everyone. Just because your depression looks different than other people's, it does not mean your depression doesn't exist.

4. Counseling is wonderful and not only for people with serious mental illness or trauma. Everyone should do it.

5. If you are trying to love yourself based on other people loving you, you are going to be very sad all of the time and hate everything about yourself. People's opinions are not reliable.

6. Sometimes it's okay to consider your own feelings over someone else's.

7. You had better mean it before you ask God to teach you something. He follows through.

8. Confrontation and honesty MUST be paired with grace and love in order for it to be effective and for you to not come off as a huge jerk.

9. Don't hold the way someone was back then against them now. We all change and grow. If people judged me today for who I was in high school I would have no friends probably!

10. Your first relationship doesn't have to be with the person you're going to marry, regardless of what Christian college dating culture tells you.

11. You can be a feminist and a Christian.

12. Give people the benefit of the doubt. They probably did not intentionally hurt you.

13. God calls us to have a heart of flesh, not stone. Even if that means getting hurt. (Shouts to my girl Delaney for this one.)

14. Remember to take time for yourself to rest. Schedule it out if you have to.

15. Read/watch things that challenge your worldview. It's the only way you grow.

16. BE EXCITED ABOUT THINGS.

17. Listen first. Always listen first.

18. Your mom is probably right when she tells you to bring a jacket.

19. Correcting people's grammar constantly is a good way to make everybody hate you.

20. You can't expect people to reach out to you first all the time. Take the risk and make an effort first, it'll pay off.


I'm starting my senior year at UNC in August! I'm stoked and also terrified. But I look forward to learning new things and hopefully sharing some of those lessons with you. Here's to 20 years old!

God in Friendship

These last few months I've been reminded of the value of deep relationship. Over the year I've felt a strange combination and loneliness and community, of isolation and vulnerability. I've come to realize that my friendships are vital to my understanding of God. When I am with friends I feel close to Him. When I feel distant from friends I feel distant from Him. As I ponder the characteristics of my most cherished friendships I find I am also pondering the characteristics of God himself.
So I wanted to share one of the many characteristics I've been most struck by. There's plenty of verses that speak directly about friendships. One of the most true for my season of life (and one of the more popular verses) is Proverbs 27:17, "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." Along with this goes Proverbs 27:6, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of the enemy." A trait I value the most in my close friendships is the ability to call each other out on our crap. My friends challenge me to do better, to make God more of a priority, to get off my high horse, to watch the words I use more carefully. I have friends who I know will tell me the truth in love (Eph 4:15) Every Single Time no matter how it hurts me, or humbles me, or sucks to hear.

Here we are, seconds before we all started crying
because we love each other so much.

But here's the thing, my close friends don't just tell me how I'm sucking and then leave me to figure my life out. No, they walk faithfully with me through life, just as I do with them. This is godly relationship. This is community. In just one of many examples, on a recent trip with my two close friends from high school I was being kind of short and snappy for whatever reason. I realized this and apologized before one of them looked me in the eyes and said, "You're forgiven dude. It's fine. You're family." These words struck me, y'all. These women wound me in love and sharpen my faith, and they are there with me and love me through my faults and shortcomings.  All of my friends have shown me so much forgiveness and grace, I'm in awe at the way they love me.  (I hope you know that when I speak of friends I'm thinking of more wonderful women than just Sarah and Chantel. But this example was the most recent.)
I find as I get to know someone more deeply, my relationship with them becomes a mirror of sorts and I can see my flaws clearer than I ever wanted to. I'm not sure if it's because I get more comfortable so I'm less guarded. I have felt such an overwhelming amount of conviction and love simultaneously from all my beautiful friends, I was at a loss for words until I made myself write this blog post.

In the literal exact same way, God doesn't shy away from calling us out on our crap. One of the duties of the Holy Spirit is conviction. Jesus says in John 16, "And when [the Holy Spirit] comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgement.... When the Spirit of truth comes he will guide you into all the truth." I absolutely love that I serve a God who constantly calls me higher. Who wants what is best for me. And at the same time he pours his never ending grace on my soul.
I'm overwhelmed by how often God is convicting my soul and at the same time wrapping me in his love and grace and walking me through my sanctification. 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
It's like this: "God, I'm sorry I really really screwed up."
And God says, "It's all good. You're forgiven."
WHAT. THAT IS SO COOL. I DON'T DESERVE THAT.
Every time my friends forgive me (which has to happen pretty often, I'm sure) I am reminded that God forgives me even more fully and more constantly than my bffs.

I could honestly go on and on about my friends because I love them more than most things and I'm so incredibly thankful for them. IF YOU ARE READING THIS I CONSIDER YOU A FRIEND AND I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU WOOHOO. But I'm going to stop for now. I hope you consider your own relationships in light of your relationship with God. I'd love to hear the ways you see God in your own friendships!

Also, since we're discussing God being like a friend to us, now is as good a time as any to remind you that this absolute BANGER exists:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-NOZU2iPA8
Have a good day!