On this post, I want to focus a bit more on the specifics of what I'm going to be actually doing this summer and see where that takes me! This summer I and another intern are splitting our time between the youth group and the kitchen of the learning center!
Our responsibilities in the youth group are primarily to just be with the youth and form some relationships, as well as provide the practical support for the leaders, such as helping with meals and whatnot. So far I've been to 1.5 youth group nights and I love it. It reminds me a lot of my old youth group. I suppose youth groups are generally the same in most places; and teenagers are teenagers wherever you go. I've loved getting to know some of the high school girls and hearing about their passions and their struggles. Since youth ministry is something I've been interested in since 8th (ish) grade, I'm excited to get a taste for it and see if it is a thing I really want to consider doing regularly in my future!
I get to go camping with the youth as well as go to a summer camp with the middle school kids! The camp is run by Cru, which is a fairly popular campus ministry at UNC. I'm excited that it's with an organization that I know and can learn more about. I'm also excited to get more involved with middle schoolers since I tend to shy away from middle schoolers. It will really push me out of my comfort zone and give me exposure to something I wouldn't be doing otherwise.
The kitchen work will also push me out of my comfort zone and give me a lot of experiences I would never have otherwise. This summer I'll be not only cooking the meals for the elementary school kids, preschoolers, and youth group kids, but I'll also be planning the menus and shopping for the week. I've never grocery shopped for myself, let alone 40-some kids! I know it will take some getting used to. I'm afraid about how the week or so it takes for me to get used to the kitchen will affect the staff of the learning center and youth group. So I have to trust myself to catch on quickly and trust that I will receive grace if I do screw up the schedule.
This last week we've been in our actual internship rather than in training. And even though it has still been a lot of more specific training and getting used to things, it has given me a good idea of what this summer will look like. I came here with expectations of myself, the ministry, and my job. So far most of the expectations have changed. It's been a challenge to let go of my original expectations. I had been thinking and talking about this internship since March. So that's two or so months where I was trying to imagine what was going to happen to me this summer.
Living with all the other interns has been different than I expected.
My actual job responsibilities are totally different than I expected. Kitchen work was not on my radar when I applied for this internship.
The church itself is totally different than I imagined.
None of these things are bad the way they are. I love the other interns, and my job, and the church. But they aren't what I thought they'd be.
I hear people say that I shouldn't go into many things with expectations. The dining hall, my classes, any sort of relationship, etc. Apparently, you're just disappointed if you have any expectations. It's impossible to not make expectations. I've tried. So the conclusion I've reached is to have expectations but don't get married to them. Maybe take them on a few dates. Add them on Snapchat. But nothing serious. My problems don't come when I have expectations. It's when I'm disappointed that I didn't get what I wanted.
I find that my expectations put God in a box. How often do I expect God to do great and mighty and amazing things? Almost never. My expectations going into this internship were all about myself. The experiences I was going to have. How God was going to change me. Will God teach me amazing things this summer? Yeah. He already has. But I am not here for the sole purpose of being changed. I'm here to see God work. And when my expectations shift from my own experiences to God's majestic work, it doesn't matter what I'm doing.
The second day I was here, one of the youth directors was having a meeting with the parents of the youth. He said something that keeps coming to mind as I write this.
When we know what our why is, our what doesn't matter anymore.
And because these last few weeks haven't been exactly what I wanted to be, I've had to shift my focus from the what and back to the why. I'm here because God wants me to be here. I'm here to learn about God's heart for the poor and homeless. I'm here to learn what it means to serve selflessly. And because I know that, I don't have to worry about all the specifics of what I'm doing and what's happening to me. I know the why will be accomplished and so I'm okay when the what changes under my feet.
Before now, I expected the what and not the why.
But now I'm expecting the why and I couldn't be more ready to see what's going to happen.
Much love,
Amanda.
