I was called a religious prude recently.
It hurt more than I expected it to. Why is this bugging you so much, Amanda? I asked myself this quite often for a few days after someone stamped that ugly label on my back. This individual, I believe, meant for it to hurt. And, although I was raised being told to get a thick skin and not let things like that bother me, this one was hard to shake.
The worst part, I think, what that I didn't think I was doing anything worthy of being called prude. So I went and looked up what the heck "prude" actually means. "A person who is or claims to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex and nudity." I suppose, by the dictionary definition, I am a prude. I'm not super fond of nudity or sexual situations/jokes. And shoot, other people being naked makes me uncomfortable.
It took me a second to digest that, according to this definition, I am a prude. Now all I had to deal with was the accusation that my faith caused me to be like this. Perhaps my "prudishness" is a result of my Christian faith. However, I don't think it takes someone to be a Christian to be uncomfortable with sex and nudity. At least, I never thought so.
But still here I am, having been called a religious prude. Still being bothered with this label. Here is the conclusion I've come to.
Within the homeschool community, I always considered myself to be fairly "edgy." I read Harry Potter, I don't live and die by K-Love radio, and honestly sometimes there were other places I would have liked to be besides youth group. There were times where I felt pretty outcast from that group for these reasons. That never really bothered me too much.
I always felt like who I am would help me reach people because I wasn't some ultra-Christian person. (An opinion that, now, I understand was totally incorrect. God gives everyone their own convictions about different things and can and will use anyone to reach other people....)
What I've been learning, however, is that although I am far more relaxed than some Christians I know, I will never fit fully into this world as long as I am holding to the truth of the Gospel and following Jesus closely. I cannot fit into this world without letting go of God.
1 Peter 2:11-12 says, "Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage ware against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, then may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation."
1:15 says, "As he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct."
As a Christian, I am not called to be as close to the world as I can be before I cross whatever line there is into sin. I am called to be separate from the world and fully devoted to God, following him and his direction in order to most effectively spread his word.
So I suppose I am a religious prude. But don't think for one second I'm going to stop.
Much love,
Amanda.
I want to make it clear that I am not bitter towards the individual who called me a prude. Their words just impacted me a lot and this post is me working through my thoughts and not intended to be any sort of attack or angry response towards them.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Saturday, September 10, 2016
Not Finished Yet: Grace
Grace.
It's a word that I have grown up hearing from my Sunday School teachers when they spoke of God's love for humankind. It's a concept that remained, to me, ambiguously close to mercy up until a few years ago. It was also used in a phrase my mom had to tell me consistently growing up. When I was a little girl (I say this as if I'm so old and changed completely since then...) I did not have much patience with my peers. Especially in any form of group work that I was forced to do. I was easily frustrated by their immaturity or, in my eyes, their incompetence. As if I was somehow better than them and they all needed to "get on my level." Whenever I would complain about it to my mom she would look at me and say, "Remember to give them grace, Amanda." To this I would usually sigh and sit silently while my thoughts were battling with each other
.
'Give them Grace.' vs. 'But they all just suck so much.'
Thankfully, because of my Mom and Jesus, the first option usually won out.
Now I am 18 years old (newly minted adult!!) and in real college (not community college). Having grown up in the church, every now and then I settle into the idea that there are certain things I'm finished learning about. God is really good at making sure none of his children are settling where they are in their faith; and in these last two weeks at UNC Greeley I have been reminded every day to give someone grace.
In this last week I had a very frustrating time communicating with my adviser. Nothing I did got her to help me figure out my class schedule. And nothing she was saying to me made any sense whatsoever. A very frustrating week of missed calls and malfunctioning phones and unread emails. As a result of this exchange, I am in a class I shouldn't be in and don't have the proper prerequisites for. It was very easy for me to slip into a mood of anger and bitterness towards this woman whom I have to work with for the remainder of my college career. While most would tell me my anger was justified (and it most likely was) it does me no good to sit here being angry with this woman who is also doing her best to help me and all the other students in my program, as well as teach two classes- especially since there is not much she can do to help me now.
I need to have grace with her and understand that she is not perfect just as I am not perfect and she is doing the best that she can.
This is just one specific instance of God teaching me yet again to have grace with someone who wouldn't typically deserve it.
Not only has God taught me to have grace with others, but also to have grace with myself. I don't know if you guys know this, but I make a lot of mistakes. I know that I have said some things that have hurt other people. I know I've had to cancel plans on people when I probably shouldn't have.
The other day I was supposed to meet with my RA but had to meet with my adviser (mentioned previously) so I was forced to cancel last minute on my RA. I was at work, however, and couldn't go onto the program to cancel my appointment. So I shot a quick text to my roommate to have her email my RA for me.
My RA never got the email and was quite mad at both me and my roommate for not showing up to the meeting even though we did all we could.
I will never forget when I saw her later that night and tried to apologize. Her face remained expressionless as she reminded me to cancel it online and not email her because she didn't check her email. And then she walked away.
As you can imagine, I felt pretty crappy about myself. Everything that happened was out of my control. Yet my RA was mad at ME and wouldn't accept my genuine apology or explanation for the situation.
When I was texting my mom about it later, she reminded me to have grace, not with my RA, but with myself. While she didn't say those words exactly. She told me she understood my frustrations because I was doing the best that I could. Those words meant so much to me (thanks mom) and continued to impact the few days after that.
What is in the past is in the past. And I am always going to mess up and I need to learn from my mistakes and move on. Whenever I mess up it is just a reminder that I need to show the same amount of grace I need (that would be an ABUNDANT amount).
Stay lovely, folks.
-Amanda
It's a word that I have grown up hearing from my Sunday School teachers when they spoke of God's love for humankind. It's a concept that remained, to me, ambiguously close to mercy up until a few years ago. It was also used in a phrase my mom had to tell me consistently growing up. When I was a little girl (I say this as if I'm so old and changed completely since then...) I did not have much patience with my peers. Especially in any form of group work that I was forced to do. I was easily frustrated by their immaturity or, in my eyes, their incompetence. As if I was somehow better than them and they all needed to "get on my level." Whenever I would complain about it to my mom she would look at me and say, "Remember to give them grace, Amanda." To this I would usually sigh and sit silently while my thoughts were battling with each other
.
'Give them Grace.' vs. 'But they all just suck so much.'
Thankfully, because of my Mom and Jesus, the first option usually won out.
Now I am 18 years old (newly minted adult!!) and in real college (not community college). Having grown up in the church, every now and then I settle into the idea that there are certain things I'm finished learning about. God is really good at making sure none of his children are settling where they are in their faith; and in these last two weeks at UNC Greeley I have been reminded every day to give someone grace.
In this last week I had a very frustrating time communicating with my adviser. Nothing I did got her to help me figure out my class schedule. And nothing she was saying to me made any sense whatsoever. A very frustrating week of missed calls and malfunctioning phones and unread emails. As a result of this exchange, I am in a class I shouldn't be in and don't have the proper prerequisites for. It was very easy for me to slip into a mood of anger and bitterness towards this woman whom I have to work with for the remainder of my college career. While most would tell me my anger was justified (and it most likely was) it does me no good to sit here being angry with this woman who is also doing her best to help me and all the other students in my program, as well as teach two classes- especially since there is not much she can do to help me now.
I need to have grace with her and understand that she is not perfect just as I am not perfect and she is doing the best that she can.
This is just one specific instance of God teaching me yet again to have grace with someone who wouldn't typically deserve it.
Not only has God taught me to have grace with others, but also to have grace with myself. I don't know if you guys know this, but I make a lot of mistakes. I know that I have said some things that have hurt other people. I know I've had to cancel plans on people when I probably shouldn't have.
The other day I was supposed to meet with my RA but had to meet with my adviser (mentioned previously) so I was forced to cancel last minute on my RA. I was at work, however, and couldn't go onto the program to cancel my appointment. So I shot a quick text to my roommate to have her email my RA for me.
My RA never got the email and was quite mad at both me and my roommate for not showing up to the meeting even though we did all we could.
I will never forget when I saw her later that night and tried to apologize. Her face remained expressionless as she reminded me to cancel it online and not email her because she didn't check her email. And then she walked away.
As you can imagine, I felt pretty crappy about myself. Everything that happened was out of my control. Yet my RA was mad at ME and wouldn't accept my genuine apology or explanation for the situation.
When I was texting my mom about it later, she reminded me to have grace, not with my RA, but with myself. While she didn't say those words exactly. She told me she understood my frustrations because I was doing the best that I could. Those words meant so much to me (thanks mom) and continued to impact the few days after that.
What is in the past is in the past. And I am always going to mess up and I need to learn from my mistakes and move on. Whenever I mess up it is just a reminder that I need to show the same amount of grace I need (that would be an ABUNDANT amount).
Stay lovely, folks.
-Amanda
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